Today is the day...well maybe tomorrow!

OMG August 8th 2012 was my last post…what a lazy fuck am I?…I would love to say I am doing good, healthy and living the two piece bathing suit skinny bitch life.  Let’s face it if you don’t have an exercise AND healthy eating routine in your fucking life you will never succeed.  FACT!

After stopping the gym a year deployment away from my husband, a change in placement at work…no more Magnum, Pixie Sticks or Gibbs to help motivate my fat ass I got lazy. Shame on me! Obviously their free motivation was needed.   

 

 

        So my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas I replied a SPIN BIKE that’s right the very thing that helped me lose all the weight in the first place. He looked like your joking right while I know in his head he was thinking… Oh great so now we have another useless piece of shit in the basement along with that damn Tony Little Gazelle!…  So I sat there in bed dreaming of the sweat pouring down my face instead of that damn sugar plum fairy and I even watched some spin you-tube videos (in full).  Thinking if I start now by June I should be able to get out of my bathing suit with the ruffled skirt on the bottom for those super fatty chicks to hide their thunder thighs.  I smiled to myself thinking “oh man was this a great plan I wanted to ride that damn bike right off the rims”. I was so hyped. I even wrapped it myself put it under the tree then, Christmas morning I staged it just right and took a picture to rub in all my friends faces so that they could see how lucky I am to have my VERY OWN SPIN BIKE AT HOME!!!!

        January 21, 2014…The bike sits in the corner of the living room unused well almost, my 79 year old grandmother rode it a lot this weekend.  My six year old LOVES using it at a jungle gym.  As for me…I have dusted it off, you know to keep the shine and luster up BUT I have not rode the fucking thing.  I get up thinking TODAY IS THE DAY!!!! Then it turns out I was wrong today was not the day.  UGH! It is so hard to get motivated. I like for someone to be there saying “you fucking fat bitch get moving”. I know with that comment many takers would be able to fulfill that job.  It is just hard getting started. 

        So this morning as I was getting a shower washing the many rolls of my body I DECIDED… January 22, 2014 was the day.  Of course I couldn’t start today I already ate about 7 fucking Hershey kisses on the five feet to the bathroom.  The day was already ruined, why bother?  So I put on my skinny jeans yes I said skinny jeans and headed to work. Isn’t it funny how even fat girls think they can pull them off? I honestly do!

        I am the type of girl that doesn’t see myself as overweight…like I honestly don’t see myself as big.  Maybe I have a higher self-esteem than most I don’t fucking know but what I do know is:

ü Plastic chairs making marks on my outer thighs

ü Even elastic skinny jeans feeling tight

ü Need for makeup application on my double chin

ü Can’t cross my legs

ü The cubical at work is getting smaller

ü I wish I didn’t throw out all those bigger sized clothes

ü AND when you are getting out of the shower and your six year old says “mommy do you have a baby in your belly?”

I guess I should try to weigh myself and measure again ugh I really don’t want to see what a year and a half of sitting on the couch drinking gallons of ice tea and being lazy has done but even if nobody reads this I should really do it for me right? Who am I fooling people read this shit and think wow this bitch is crazy as fuck what a weirdo.  Or at least that’s what I imagine in my head but let’s face it many strange things roll around that plump ball every day.

Until next time… (this time I won’t deprive you for so long)