Treat everything you do as if there's no fucking way you can fail....

              So yesterday started off as another cluster-fuck of screaming and crying children at work except all the team members were at work so even though it was horrific at least we were all in the same sinking ship till 2:50 when we run from work like a fat kid running after a donut truck.

           CONFESSION TIME:   After work I knew I had to peel out of there if I was going to make it to turkey hill to get some ice tea---not diet mind you.  I slither in like a snake faster than a rabbit grab the ice tea half gallon and one for the road in drinkable form.  Then I pay and stick it under my shirt just in case anyone of my team members were going to see me committing a naughty act of ice tea consuming.  It was wrong but it taste so good…and I ate beet chips for lunch give a girl some fucking credit!  

           Yesterday was sort of bittersweet though because it was the last sign language class.  What the hell am I going to do with 2 extra hours in my schedule for the next 6 weeks?  The answer should probably be clean or complete things that I have been putting off.

              After sign class it was going to be crush it at the fucking gym time.  Solo again! I knew I would be solo when I left the house but for about 3 hours I thought that I would have a new member who was going to be a badass at the gym but the plans foiled.  Thank god sugarpie#4 was there to buffer the annoying mosquito and of course to talk to. : ) As I was getting in my car after sign class Gibbs said “crush it at the gym”!  I already was going to do something badass anyway -1500 calories in the workout.  Now if you remember I also did those 500 crunches yesterday and I was in a little bit of pain from them. Hey I was badass right?  NO EXCUSES!!!

 Oh I guess I should also mention that I wear so many shirts during the day.  I had on 3 shirts and two bras.  Why two bras…they are massive I will not lie and one just doesn’t contain them also what if I needed to jump I would have been out of the bra in one second. This happens when we go bowling ALL THE TIME!   Stop judging!

So there I was with some random old bucks and chicky all working towards the same goal of working out.  I turn on the killer leg machine and start the workout. I was sweating and shirts were coming off every 20 minutes till I got down to the last one of course.  I like to wear black because it feels like I’m at a funeral for my fat.  ß-I totally stole that from somewhere!   I already had it in my mind that I was going to hit 1500.  This did not happen I hit 1473….

Proud I send off the picture in a text to Gibbs.  He says nice but I should have done 1500 and that this was not acceptable!   What?!? Ok he was RIGHT! What was I thinking? 

So back on the machine for 27 more calories which took all but 5 minutes snap a picture and send it off with a text that says… acceptable…1500! Honestly he was not going to stop this hardcore highly motivated girl. 

Now one thing I have noticed in this weight loss journey is that my confidence and attitude about life has been improving.  I seem to have more friends and I feel good about myself not just on the inside but also I feel more complete as a person.  I am slowly breaking out of my shell and not using funny comments as a way to interact with people although I still do have the sarcastic comments….who am I kidding I am a constant joy to be around and with my bubbly personality really people should be blessed to have me as a friend…haha!  I am not that vain…am I?  I also noticed that people are starting to notice that I have been losing weight…good thing!  I think that thinking positive is the only way to really make it through this journey.  If you keep saying I can’t… I won’t…but saying I am badass and hardcore you begin to start to believe it and think you are.  It’s funny how the mind works but try it sometime! You will be surprised.

Official Motivation has started up again....

        So recently, instead of watching the rest of season 7 of NCIS which I should have been done with a long time ago I have found myself watching “The Biggest Loser” and my 600lb life.  While at the gym the TVs are on and I watch…and still work my ass off.  The sweat proves it! I get beyond fucking pissed now remember my fat ass weighs 255 for now and these people are weighing in at 197 and they look bigger than me in every way.  Do I just have that high of self-esteem now that I don’t feel like I look bad (overweight)?  Do I have more muscle from that damn killer leg machine than I thought?  What the fuck is going on.  I am really starting to think perhaps that the TV loses 10 pounds because really these people are H-U-G-E!!!

              As I was getting dressed today I thought fuck I need to buy smaller pants again…I just bought them 2 weeks ago, wow what a waste of money that was. I mean when I go to the bathroom and the button imprint is not on my gut then the pants are too lose.  I also noticed that the back butt part is not showing off my “butt shelf”.  What’s a butt shelf?  Well I will tell you…for an overweight person it’s not visible in any way shape or form your leg and ass just look like a giant ham hock.  For the skinner bitches (you know those privileged few that can scarf down a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies and not gain a damn pound) the butt shelf is that area between your upper leg and butt.  My butt shelf is now two fingers deep.  I am overly proud of this new found indent on my body.  Even though that sounds extremely gross.  Haha!

The shit was on thick today.  Monday started off with a bang well almost.  I got my lunch today and while I was admiring my new hair style and contemplating perhaps I had put on too much bronzer as I pulled into the grocery store I almost got hit by a Doritos truck.  Which would have been pretty funny for a couple reasons…my all-time favorite snack and the fact that I always say there’s a fine line between being tan and rolled in Doritos this was only funny because there is a tanning salon next store. Crisis averted and I was able to make it to the egg salad safely and unharmed.  Work was a cluster fuck of screaming and crying kids. 

SOOO let me tell you overly excited my team is no longer sick and being whiny babies…geez men!  Today was the day…official motivation had started up again and I FUCKING LOVE IT!  I get the Gibbs text “get your fucking ass to the gym tonight and crush that damn treadmill…” Seriously some bitches may not be able to be talked to like this but nothing motivates me more…curses and demands it a perfect relationship.  I mean what could I do except go fucking crush the gym tonight.  This is even funnier because I love to bake, cook, sew throw parties but every girl has a badass side!

              Now if you remember Magnum gave me a ridiculous number of 500 crunches to do last week and I really got shit for not doing them. I must do the things I think I can not do!  Tonight was the fucking night baby…I did all 500 in less than a half hour, 20 at a time.  Did I feel like I was going to vomit…yes! Did I vomit…No! Why? I’m a hardcore bitch that’s why!   After completion of the crunches it was gym time…my plan was to do 1400 calories on the killer leg machine.  When I got to the gym of course my bladder is like “oh guess what?  To the beefcake room”! It really drives me crazy so I go to the bathroom…yay for TP!

 I go to get on the killer leg machine and it doesn’t work and some girl is on the one I usually go on so I was forced to go on another one.  I’m cruising along and then this strange man gets on the machine next to me.  Okay I can handle the closeness of this crazy haired fucker…till I take a wiff and he smells like KFC!  Are you fucking kidding me… oh now all I can think about is that I want honey barbeque boneless chicken wings, potato wedges and a dr. pepper.   I was pissed…I contemplated asking him to leave the fucking area but I figured I could do the machine till 500 calories burnt then go somewhere else.  I chose that option and uggg got on the treadmill.  I hate the treadmill but “chicky” was not going to tempt me with his deep fried delicious chicken smell any longer.  I needed to get out of there and fast.  So I did another 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I rocked the gym like nobody’s business tonight…sweat proves it.  By the way I came right home and “chicky” and his chicken wings can go to hell…I too strong now!!!

Since it is the 5th of March already...I'm just going to wait till the 15th to weigh in. 

             

Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup...

             Holy hell I finally did it…went to the gym SOLO!!! No Potter, Gibbs, Slots or Ash.  So  yesterday really sucked.  We did not have a snow day or a delay.  Which in turn cost me a bet of 29.99…because why not make a bet for such a ridiculous amount of money?  HAHA I lost fair and square no buts about it.  Then I decided to try to go another round on a sure thing…another brilliant plan of mine!  I bet Gibbs that his day would be fan-freakin-tastic and it if not I would go to the gym alone and he would pick the calories I had to burn on the killer leg machine.  I secretly wanted him to have a bad day or at least lie and say it was bad…it turned out horrific and that’s why I went to the gym SOLO. 

              Of course I still asked Slots if she wanted to go but she declined…I was still going to go because if you remember I love to say “in your face fucker” when I do something really badass.  This SOLO trip was sure going to qualify for an “in your face fucker” text.   There I was walking up the steps to the gym all 21 of them.  (approximately)  Heart beating out of my chest, palms sweating wearing my glasses mind you and now only 5 feet from the key tag scanner and about 15 feet stood between me and the killer leg machine.  I walk through the door and Sugarpie#4 was sitting behind the counter in total astonishment that I was riding SOLO.  Then I immediately felt a sense of relief not because of Sugarpie#4 but because everyone in the gym working out were crusty old men.  I was a freaking hot babe walking in…girl who needed to lose weight walking in and this was going to be awesome.  No competition, I could out do these old “bucks” over and over again.  So I hand over my phone blog already uploaded because deep down Sugarpie#4 loves to read about my life and how fucked up I am.  Really I think it’s more entertaining than reading the Times paper but who the hell knows.  He actually reads it and does not skim it like other people…you know who you are!!!

              I start off on the killer leg machine, listening to Taylor Swift’s “Mean” song for a good half hour.  I wanted to get 1200 calories burned in an hour because someone never gave me the number to shoot for so I thought I’ll put on my big girl panties and do my best.  Plus I had no distractions of talking to Potter.  I also go new underwear that stays up if anyone wanted to know. ;) Then I listened to the Zach Brown Band “Knee Deep” for the last half hour on repeat.  I have no idea why I don’t just hit shuffle on the I-pod but I just don’t.  Sue me!  I was sweating like crazy…I don’t know why but I love to feel the back of my neck with the cold perspiration…It makes me feel like I’m really working that shit hard.  It’s crazy... I already know this. I ended the workout at 1151 calories burnt in an hour.  My legs and butt were twitching and I was proud for doing all that on my own.  I wiped off the machine and headed to the front desk to kill some time talking to Sugarpie#4 while my legs gained feeling and I could walk down the stairs. 

              After leaving I went to Wal-Mart…I needed to be rewarded for having so much courage to go SOLO and what better way to reward myself than a Toby Keith cd with Red Solo Cup song.  I actually bought the best hits and the new one mainly because I was feeling so badass about myself.  I also walked around and checked out the crafts because I need to take a break from cupcakes for a while all my friends are getting a little tubby around the midsection.  This was not my plan at all…I swear! Haha. I picked up some stuff to make a purse and a new yellow and grey tank top that I love.  I know clothing at Wal-Mart?  I like it and really that’s all that matters. 

Then I was starving and I have not eaten Doritos in such a long time as I stood there staring at the red bag filled with delicious cheesy goodness, I thought to myself I can’t do it.  I have been so good for so long.   As I loaded my crap on the conveyor belt I swore I heard “Kristen one little chippy is not going to kill you”.  I turned around looked at the bag and said to myself “go to fucking hell you delicious chip our relationship has ended…I’m moving on!!!”  Besides who was that Dorito kidding you can’t eat just one his whole chippy family would have been devoured in a 3-5 minute attack.   I’m just too nice now.  Still starving I headed for a late night burger from Wendy’s…late night my ass it was 12:30 and that place was locked up like Fort Knox.  As my stomach started eating itself I decided to head to Dunkin Donuts and get a bacon egg and cheese on an everything bagel…know who the hell would think that DD would be out of bacon.   Nobody wants to eat that shitty egg you’re in it for the bacon.  I ordered a veggie egg white sandwich on flat bread…and opened a bottle of water.   I probably would of ate shit at this point but it worked and next time I will bring a banana or something.  Lesson learned. 

No weigh in and pictures today because the goose is not trusted with the camera which I have located.  Weigh in and pictures will be in next post.