Focus and go...the pros and cons...

              ANNNNDDDDD…..the cluster-fuck of a work day continues today.  Seriously are we getting a full moon because these kids are off the fucking wall?  Not to mention that earlier today I was debating on the fact that I may have to take a little leave from going to the gym as much since the gas prices are getting ridiculous.  Honestly I think I am going to just by it buy the barrel I would save so much more money…hmmm wonder if they have a coupon for that?

              Anyway after arguing with myself about the pros and cons of not going to the gym:

PROS:

*Save money on gas

CONS:

*Loss of interest when I get back on track

*Let people down---it’s all about my fans! ;) seriously over 600 views in less than a month you guys are awesome!!!

*Decreased butt shelf---it will be four or five fingers deep soon

*Gain weight--I would be soooooo pissed after all this hard work.

*Never really going to work out at home--let's face it I have a weight room down stairs and I have never set foot on it...I'm not starting now.

*Eat shit that I shouldn’t have--I already had pepsi, ice tea and chinese food for dinner and 8 thin mint cookies...This is not the badass I want to be...

*Start crafting way too much--sorry new bff you will have to wait for the matching wallet to your dress purse. 

*Start baking more CuPcAkEs!!! Very bad!

*Feel like I’m going to rip someone’s head off

*Watch prime time TV. I haven’t since I’m always at the gym.

*Lose my friends: they would dump me in a heartbeat...and after all the nice stuff I say...lol

*Miss the beefcake room when walking to the bathroom

*No Laughing at the front counter with sugarpie#4

*No Sweating

*No Escape

*No Saying “in your face fucker” VERY IMPORTANT!!!

See my PROBLEM…Now honestly what would you do if you were me…. come on you know damn well you would get your ass to the fucking gym.

I mean really all I did for the last couple hours is look at motivational pictures and went on pinterest...I need to shut down the computer...

First I think I need to pump myself up by getting rid of this lactic acid from the 500 crunches with another 500 crunches…so I am going to do them right now…

I will be right back…

100 done!

200!

300…more than fucking half way…

400!

5 fucking hundred and one crunches…badass bitch I think so!

Now off to the gym to crush out another 1500+ on the killer leg machine…I think I’m shooting for 1550 but we will see…stay tuned for next post…

Treat everything you do as if there's no fucking way you can fail....

              So yesterday started off as another cluster-fuck of screaming and crying children at work except all the team members were at work so even though it was horrific at least we were all in the same sinking ship till 2:50 when we run from work like a fat kid running after a donut truck.

           CONFESSION TIME:   After work I knew I had to peel out of there if I was going to make it to turkey hill to get some ice tea---not diet mind you.  I slither in like a snake faster than a rabbit grab the ice tea half gallon and one for the road in drinkable form.  Then I pay and stick it under my shirt just in case anyone of my team members were going to see me committing a naughty act of ice tea consuming.  It was wrong but it taste so good…and I ate beet chips for lunch give a girl some fucking credit!  

           Yesterday was sort of bittersweet though because it was the last sign language class.  What the hell am I going to do with 2 extra hours in my schedule for the next 6 weeks?  The answer should probably be clean or complete things that I have been putting off.

              After sign class it was going to be crush it at the fucking gym time.  Solo again! I knew I would be solo when I left the house but for about 3 hours I thought that I would have a new member who was going to be a badass at the gym but the plans foiled.  Thank god sugarpie#4 was there to buffer the annoying mosquito and of course to talk to. : ) As I was getting in my car after sign class Gibbs said “crush it at the gym”!  I already was going to do something badass anyway -1500 calories in the workout.  Now if you remember I also did those 500 crunches yesterday and I was in a little bit of pain from them. Hey I was badass right?  NO EXCUSES!!!

 Oh I guess I should also mention that I wear so many shirts during the day.  I had on 3 shirts and two bras.  Why two bras…they are massive I will not lie and one just doesn’t contain them also what if I needed to jump I would have been out of the bra in one second. This happens when we go bowling ALL THE TIME!   Stop judging!

So there I was with some random old bucks and chicky all working towards the same goal of working out.  I turn on the killer leg machine and start the workout. I was sweating and shirts were coming off every 20 minutes till I got down to the last one of course.  I like to wear black because it feels like I’m at a funeral for my fat.  ß-I totally stole that from somewhere!   I already had it in my mind that I was going to hit 1500.  This did not happen I hit 1473….

Proud I send off the picture in a text to Gibbs.  He says nice but I should have done 1500 and that this was not acceptable!   What?!? Ok he was RIGHT! What was I thinking? 

So back on the machine for 27 more calories which took all but 5 minutes snap a picture and send it off with a text that says… acceptable…1500! Honestly he was not going to stop this hardcore highly motivated girl. 

Now one thing I have noticed in this weight loss journey is that my confidence and attitude about life has been improving.  I seem to have more friends and I feel good about myself not just on the inside but also I feel more complete as a person.  I am slowly breaking out of my shell and not using funny comments as a way to interact with people although I still do have the sarcastic comments….who am I kidding I am a constant joy to be around and with my bubbly personality really people should be blessed to have me as a friend…haha!  I am not that vain…am I?  I also noticed that people are starting to notice that I have been losing weight…good thing!  I think that thinking positive is the only way to really make it through this journey.  If you keep saying I can’t… I won’t…but saying I am badass and hardcore you begin to start to believe it and think you are.  It’s funny how the mind works but try it sometime! You will be surprised.

Official Motivation has started up again....

        So recently, instead of watching the rest of season 7 of NCIS which I should have been done with a long time ago I have found myself watching “The Biggest Loser” and my 600lb life.  While at the gym the TVs are on and I watch…and still work my ass off.  The sweat proves it! I get beyond fucking pissed now remember my fat ass weighs 255 for now and these people are weighing in at 197 and they look bigger than me in every way.  Do I just have that high of self-esteem now that I don’t feel like I look bad (overweight)?  Do I have more muscle from that damn killer leg machine than I thought?  What the fuck is going on.  I am really starting to think perhaps that the TV loses 10 pounds because really these people are H-U-G-E!!!

              As I was getting dressed today I thought fuck I need to buy smaller pants again…I just bought them 2 weeks ago, wow what a waste of money that was. I mean when I go to the bathroom and the button imprint is not on my gut then the pants are too lose.  I also noticed that the back butt part is not showing off my “butt shelf”.  What’s a butt shelf?  Well I will tell you…for an overweight person it’s not visible in any way shape or form your leg and ass just look like a giant ham hock.  For the skinner bitches (you know those privileged few that can scarf down a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies and not gain a damn pound) the butt shelf is that area between your upper leg and butt.  My butt shelf is now two fingers deep.  I am overly proud of this new found indent on my body.  Even though that sounds extremely gross.  Haha!

The shit was on thick today.  Monday started off with a bang well almost.  I got my lunch today and while I was admiring my new hair style and contemplating perhaps I had put on too much bronzer as I pulled into the grocery store I almost got hit by a Doritos truck.  Which would have been pretty funny for a couple reasons…my all-time favorite snack and the fact that I always say there’s a fine line between being tan and rolled in Doritos this was only funny because there is a tanning salon next store. Crisis averted and I was able to make it to the egg salad safely and unharmed.  Work was a cluster fuck of screaming and crying kids. 

SOOO let me tell you overly excited my team is no longer sick and being whiny babies…geez men!  Today was the day…official motivation had started up again and I FUCKING LOVE IT!  I get the Gibbs text “get your fucking ass to the gym tonight and crush that damn treadmill…” Seriously some bitches may not be able to be talked to like this but nothing motivates me more…curses and demands it a perfect relationship.  I mean what could I do except go fucking crush the gym tonight.  This is even funnier because I love to bake, cook, sew throw parties but every girl has a badass side!

              Now if you remember Magnum gave me a ridiculous number of 500 crunches to do last week and I really got shit for not doing them. I must do the things I think I can not do!  Tonight was the fucking night baby…I did all 500 in less than a half hour, 20 at a time.  Did I feel like I was going to vomit…yes! Did I vomit…No! Why? I’m a hardcore bitch that’s why!   After completion of the crunches it was gym time…my plan was to do 1400 calories on the killer leg machine.  When I got to the gym of course my bladder is like “oh guess what?  To the beefcake room”! It really drives me crazy so I go to the bathroom…yay for TP!

 I go to get on the killer leg machine and it doesn’t work and some girl is on the one I usually go on so I was forced to go on another one.  I’m cruising along and then this strange man gets on the machine next to me.  Okay I can handle the closeness of this crazy haired fucker…till I take a wiff and he smells like KFC!  Are you fucking kidding me… oh now all I can think about is that I want honey barbeque boneless chicken wings, potato wedges and a dr. pepper.   I was pissed…I contemplated asking him to leave the fucking area but I figured I could do the machine till 500 calories burnt then go somewhere else.  I chose that option and uggg got on the treadmill.  I hate the treadmill but “chicky” was not going to tempt me with his deep fried delicious chicken smell any longer.  I needed to get out of there and fast.  So I did another 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I rocked the gym like nobody’s business tonight…sweat proves it.  By the way I came right home and “chicky” and his chicken wings can go to hell…I too strong now!!!

Since it is the 5th of March already...I'm just going to wait till the 15th to weigh in.