So recently, instead of watching the rest of season 7 of NCIS which I should have been done with a long time ago I have found myself watching “The Biggest Loser” and my 600lb life. While at the gym the TVs are on and I watch…and still work my ass off. The sweat proves it! I get beyond fucking pissed now remember my fat ass weighs 255 for now and these people are weighing in at 197 and they look bigger than me in every way. Do I just have that high of self-esteem now that I don’t feel like I look bad (overweight)? Do I have more muscle from that damn killer leg machine than I thought? What the fuck is going on. I am really starting to think perhaps that the TV loses 10 pounds because really these people are H-U-G-E!!!
As I was getting dressed today I thought fuck I need to buy smaller pants again…I just bought them 2 weeks ago, wow what a waste of money that was. I mean when I go to the bathroom and the button imprint is not on my gut then the pants are too lose. I also noticed that the back butt part is not showing off my “butt shelf”. What’s a butt shelf? Well I will tell you…for an overweight person it’s not visible in any way shape or form your leg and ass just look like a giant ham hock. For the skinner bitches (you know those privileged few that can scarf down a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies and not gain a damn pound) the butt shelf is that area between your upper leg and butt. My butt shelf is now two fingers deep. I am overly proud of this new found indent on my body. Even though that sounds extremely gross. Haha!
The shit was on thick today. Monday started off with a bang well almost. I got my lunch today and while I was admiring my new hair style and contemplating perhaps I had put on too much bronzer as I pulled into the grocery store I almost got hit by a Doritos truck. Which would have been pretty funny for a couple reasons…my all-time favorite snack and the fact that I always say there’s a fine line between being tan and rolled in Doritos this was only funny because there is a tanning salon next store. Crisis averted and I was able to make it to the egg salad safely and unharmed. Work was a cluster fuck of screaming and crying kids.
SOOO let me tell you overly excited my team is no longer sick and being whiny babies…geez men! Today was the day…official motivation had started up again and I FUCKING LOVE IT! I get the Gibbs text “get your fucking ass to the gym tonight and crush that damn treadmill…” Seriously some bitches may not be able to be talked to like this but nothing motivates me more…curses and demands it a perfect relationship. I mean what could I do except go fucking crush the gym tonight. This is even funnier because I love to bake, cook, sew throw parties but every girl has a badass side!
Now if you remember Magnum gave me a ridiculous number of 500 crunches to do last week and I really got shit for not doing them. I must do the things I think I can not do! Tonight was the fucking night baby…I did all 500 in less than a half hour, 20 at a time. Did I feel like I was going to vomit…yes! Did I vomit…No! Why? I’m a hardcore bitch that’s why! After completion of the crunches it was gym time…my plan was to do 1400 calories on the killer leg machine. When I got to the gym of course my bladder is like “oh guess what? To the beefcake room”! It really drives me crazy so I go to the bathroom…yay for TP!
I go to get on the killer leg machine and it doesn’t work and some girl is on the one I usually go on so I was forced to go on another one. I’m cruising along and then this strange man gets on the machine next to me. Okay I can handle the closeness of this crazy haired fucker…till I take a wiff and he smells like KFC! Are you fucking kidding me… oh now all I can think about is that I want honey barbeque boneless chicken wings, potato wedges and a dr. pepper. I was pissed…I contemplated asking him to leave the fucking area but I figured I could do the machine till 500 calories burnt then go somewhere else. I chose that option and uggg got on the treadmill. I hate the treadmill but “chicky” was not going to tempt me with his deep fried delicious chicken smell any longer. I needed to get out of there and fast. So I did another 30 minutes on the treadmill. I rocked the gym like nobody’s business tonight…sweat proves it. By the way I came right home and “chicky” and his chicken wings can go to hell…I too strong now!!!
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